


you came back

by toxica939



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 15:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10879347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxica939/pseuds/toxica939
Summary: The reveal: an aftermath. Y'know, before I get thoroughly Maxined.





	you came back

Robert gets himself a glass of water, drinks it over the sink in four gulps, wipes his wet chin dry with his sleeve, hangs his head and tries to breathe.

He can still see Aaron’s face. He’d been sprawled across the bed, where Robert had left him. Robert plastered to the far wall and spilling secrets like bile. 

It had been like all the air had gone out of the room. Aaron still, in that controlled, predator way of his, face shuttered and blank. Heartbroken.

He’d shouted and sworn, put his foot through a canvass of a London bus popped against the wall. He’d laughed when Robert had started to cry, bitter and forced and cruel.

He hadn’t slammed the door. He’d just left. Walked out and left Robert here, in the half unpacked shell of a home he might never have now.

He can’t breathe. He ruins _everything_.

He moves a box, sinks into the new sofa, pulls a cushion into his lap like Liv always does when she needs comfort and doesn’t know how to ask. Liv had chosen this one. She’s never going to forgive him for this. He can’t forgive himself.

Why didn’t he just come clean? Why did he think he could do this?

He’s got pockets full of should haves now, and a wedding ring he doesn’t know if he’ll get to keep.

His face is tight with dried tears. He deserves this.

Robert stays there, motionless while the shadows grow long. The biggest clock he’s ever seen is right in front of him but he has no idea how much time passes until he hears a key in the door.

It’s like his stomach drops away. He doesn’t know if he can go another round just yet, hasn’t had chance to collect all the pieces of himself back together.

Aaron still looks wrecked. Face red, hands fisted in his sleeves. He just stands there though, looking. Boxes and bubble wrap; their life and Robert, screwing it all up again. Robert does not want to know what Aaron sees when he looks at him now.

It’s not fair to make Aaron go first.

“You came back,” he says. His throat feels sore.

Aaron shrugs, drops his keys on the coffee table loudly enough to make Robert flinch. “S’my house.”

Right. Obviously.

Robert gets to his feet. “Sorry. You’re right, I’ll-”

“ _Sit down_.”

Robert’s knees give way and he drops like a stone. 

Aaron rubs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath before he settles in the armchair, creak of new leather and a helpless sigh.

“You should have told me,” Aaron says in the end.

“I know.”

“I suppose I should be glad you came clean eventually. I’m sure she’s just been waiting for her chance to fill me in.”

Robert shakes his head. “It’s not her fault. This is all on me.”

Aaron bares his teeth. “You think I don’t know that? She doesn’t owe me anything, you’re supposed to be my _husband_.”

“I am,” Robert tells him but even he knows it sounds weak.

Aaron huffs a laugh, leans forward to brace his arms across his knees, fingers twisting together. 

He’s still wearing his ring.

“You know, I spent most of yesterday trying to convince Vic to give Adam another chance. I told her he was drunk and upset and he didn’t know what he was doing. I told she shouldn’t throw away everything they have over some stupid mistake,” he looks up, meets Roberts eyes. “Now look at me.”

Robert wants to jump on it, wants to explain all the reasons all of that is true. He bites his tongue, Aaron deserves better than bargaining. He just deserves the truth. Which has always been that Robert isn’t good enough.

“I’m sorry,” is all he can say. He doesn’t have the energy to talk his way out of this, can’t find the words.

Aaron’s brow creases. “That’s it?”

Robert rolls his lips between his teeth, watches dust catching in the light from the windows. “What else is there to say? I get it. I wanted to tell you and then I couldn’t and then it all just...spiralled out of control. I messed up, Aaron, like I always do, like everyone told you I would. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. I just have to live with it.”

“And how am I supposed to live with it?”

There’s a lump in Robert’s throat, probably his heart, and he swallows around it. “I’ll go,” he offers even though it hurts, even though it doesn't bear thinking about, because he’s owes Aaron this much at least.

Aaron’s eyes are glassy, mouth twisted. “You’re really not even going to fight for this? You don’t even care that much?”

Robert’s chest cracks and peels. There’s an ache behind his ribs. 

He slides forward, knees smarting on the hard floor until he’s sat at Aaron’s feet. He wants to put a hand over Aaron’s, where he’s viscously twisting his ring on and off, doesn’t dare.

“My whole life,” he says, ducking to catch Aaron’s eye, “I have never cared about anything more. You have to believe that. Even if you never believe another word I say, believe that, _please_.”

Aaron sniffs, a tear falling when he blinks and Robert can’t hold it in any more, has to reach up to cup his face, to thumb away the wetness.

“I love you. More than anything. And I am _so_ sorry.”

Aaron nods, doesn’t pull away. “And I love you,” he says, like it's just a fact, just another truth that's hurting him.

Robert nods, whispers, “You shouldn’t.”

“If I could stop, I’d have done it a long time ago,” Aaron says around a watery smile, so sad.

Robert draws their foreheads together for a long minute, tries to soak up the feeling of Aaron letting him, of Aaron not pushing him away. Just for now.

Aaron does pull back in the end, put some distance between them by heading to the kitchen.

“We’re not okay,” Aaron tells him.

“I know.”

Aaron nods. “Just, unpack the rest of this now alright? I need to. I don’t know.”

Robert gets to his feet. “I don’t have to stay.” he offers.

“I’m telling you to,” Aaron says. “I’ll sleep in Liv’s room tonight. You can do what you like.”

It’s more than he deserves.

He'll be stronger tomorrow. He'll fight.


End file.
